I'll Be Home For Christmas

I'm dreamin' tonight of a place I love
Even more then I usually do
And although I know it's a long road back
I promise you

I'll be home for Christmas
You can count on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents under the tree

Christmas Eve will find me
Where the love light beams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams

Christmas Eve will find me
Where the love light beams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams
If only in my dreams

 

 

 

Have you ever really listened to those lyrics. Yes, Bing is singing about how he'll be home for Christmas - but then ends with "If only in my dreams." When you think about it, it's kind of sad, you know?

 

That's how I've felt for a long time. This is our fourth married Christmas together, which also means it's our fourth away from home. The past three Christmases (Christmasi?) have been extremely hard on me, and therefore pretty hard on B too. Growing up, Christmas was the one holiday that no one missed, everyone was home in Houston, travelling to Omi's on Christmas Eve to watch Opa light the candles on the tree. While I am so thankful that the employment opportunities I've been blessed with, Christmas has always been very hard for me, and it never really hit until Christmas Eve. It's the day I've felt so homesick it hurt in every bone in my body, and I was so exhausted from my busy season I didn't want to move. There I was, just like Bing, wanting so badly to be home for Christmas, but I could only be there in my dreams.

 

B is wonderful when dealing with me in this state. He would just sit with me and let me watch whatever movie I wanted all night long, or let me go to sleep around 8 pm. We would wake up, enjoy our waffle cinnamon rolls, mimosas, open presents, and then just lounge around. He was okay with my refusal to cook a Christmas dinner, and we started to enjoy the game of "let's find a restaurant that's open on Christmas without looking in advance."

 

I am SO excited that this year is different. I'm in a slow work season, and my entire family is visiting(my parents and 2 brothers). I feel appropriately stressed for the holiday season, as opposed to completely defeated. I'm stressed out about having a sparkly enough tablescape for our holiday gatherings at the house, and picking out what cookies to bake (there are SO many!)

 

Even though I can't make it home again this year for Christmas, I am so happy that home is coming to us. My heart is so full!